“Do you want to hear something funny? Whoever heard of an 85-year-old daughter bringing supper to their 103-year-old mother? It’s just crazy!”
My reply: “You are just too funny!”
Those words were part of a conversation I had recently with a dignified, precious lady about her daughter bringing dinner. She is not my biological grandmother, but she sure has treated me like her own granddaughter over the years so well that I call her Grandma.
I have listened intently on many occasions as she reminisced about days past, ponders the present and considers the future.
I am confident as you read her words you will shed a few tears, smile a few smiles, and chuckle a time or two. The insightfulness conveyed through thoughts and words of this wife, mother, and grandmother are priceless.
It was the year 1919 — March 28, a Friday to be exact. A healthy, bouncing baby girl was born to Ella Mae Loyall Craft and Edward “Pete” Craft of Longdale, VA. Etha Virginia was one of 12 siblings. Etha and sister Letha had an ongoing argument as to who was born first. Yes, they were twins.
Life was quite busy for the Craft family. They were thriving. Etha was busy doing what all five-year-old girls do: Playing with dolls. Pretending to be a princess. Having tea parties. Jumping rope. Giggling.
Home, life lessons
“Mother kissed me on the forehead, hugged my neck, whispered I love you and then waved goodbye,” Etha said, recalling the last time she saw her mother. She was five years old. “She told me she would not be back home. Momma died that day after delivering a baby boy. She gave up her life so my brother could live. Daddy missed her and he grieved forever. I still miss her. God always took care of me and my family.”
Etha recalled how family was priority and her Papa always worked extra hard taking care of his children. “He read the Holy Scriptures and he would read them to me as well. He never missed a night of saying prayers. Papa taught me to love Jesus and he was a good example.”
Etha told me she was never given a choice about going to church, ever. “I was expected to dress in my Sunday best — a dress, white lace anklets and patent leather shoes — and go to church minding my manners every step of the way. The preacher would ask Daddy to pray aloud before the service began. His prayers were just beautiful.”
“I remember one time Letha and I decided we were not going to Wednesday night service,” she recalled. “We went upstairs, put our nightgowns on, and crawled into a warm bed. Soon we heard, ‘Etha, Letha, get your coat and shoes on, it’s time to leave for church.’ When Papa spoke, there was no sassing and we obeyed. We put our coats over our gowns, put on our shoes, and out the door we went. Thank goodness he never found us out!”
“Correction was necessary and believe me, I received a lot,” she added. “I was no goody two-shoes. When a lecture was necessary, I was expected to listen. Papa insisted I mind my manners and respect my elders.” Chores and schoolwork had to be completed before play, Etha said.
“Daddy chopped every stick of wood by hand to put in the fireplace. He made sure I stayed warm. I always had shoes on my feet and a coat. I never went hungry,” she said.
“My older sisters worked hard doing the cooking, cleaning, canning, sewing, and laundry. I should have been more thankful.”
Etha said her family had a record player and she loved listening to music. “Dancing was entertainment in our home. Letha and I learned the foxtrot. I will teach you sometime,” she told me.”
“I hope the foxtrot is easier to learn than trying to make homemade rolls!” I said. “Yes, I think you need a few more lessons in making those. It’s really not that difficult,” Etha replied. “How about you just make me some.” “I will,” said Grandma.
Listen folks, I have been through Grandma’s roll-making 101 class quite a few times. I am somewhat intimidated. Do you think she could be holding out on an ingredient or two? What is a “smidgen” anyways? Thank goodness for that Poppin’ Fresh Pillsbury Doughboy. I will gladly punch his belly any day to hear “Hoo Hoo!”
Marriage, children
On Oct. 5, 1935, Etha married the love of her life, Adolphus Augustus Hayslett. “He was the cutest thing,” she said. “He was so kind. He had a good work ethic. He loved me and I loved him. He was my true love. I was 16 and he was 21. We stood before a preacher and recited vows. We took them seriously. Better and for worse, forever.”
She told me, “Forever means forever.” She added, “Gus and I were married for almost 73 years. I still miss him every single day. I think about him all the time.” Etha talked about how husbands and wives don’t stay married these days. “I just don’t understand why they can’t work things out. You have to give a lot. You can’t take all the time. Don’t be so selfish. Never go to bed angry … Seek good counsel when you need it … and you will need it some of the time,” she told me.
Being a mother to your children is hard work, Etha stressed. “It takes a lot of time to raise a family. You will always love your children, no matter what they do.” She reminded me to always act in front of my children the way I would want them to act. She said, “Be a good example. Take your kids to church.”
She recalled the importance of a Christian home. “Teach them about God at home.” Grandma assured me she didn’t do everything right, but she did put forth a good effort. “I made mistakes and I learned from all of them,” she said.
“I am so proud of my three children,” she added. “They treat me well and take such good care of me.”
Wisdom
“I talk to God every day like He is right beside me because He is. He guides me. God still has something He wants me to do.” She added, “Everyone has feelings … remember to show kindness to all.”
Her words remind me of the song, Try a Little Kindness by Curt Sapaugh and Bobby Austin. It was first recorded by American country music singer Glen Campbell:
You got to try a little kindness
Yes show a little kindness
Just shine your light for everyone to see
And if you try a little kindness
Then you’ll overlook the blindness
Of narrow-minded people on the narrow-minded streets.
Grandma stressed the adage, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Just think of how the world would be a better place if we adhered to that message.
Thanks, Grandma, for the gentle reminder.
I did ask her thoughts regarding politics. The silence and eye roll spoke volumes. My thoughts are most likely the same.
Friendship
“I am grateful for my grandchildren,” Grandma said. “They are an added blessing in my life. Missy is my wonderful granddaughter. I appreciate all she does for me. I am so glad you two have been friends all these years. You both take good care of me.”
Bonanza was a local restaurant in Covington, VA where I worked my first job. I was 16 years old when Missy taught me to make ambrosia fruit salad — by the gallons. She introduced me to garbanzo beans, informed me about FICA, and showed me friendship. Ambrosia salad has never been and will never be on my menu. Despite the nutritional value garbanzo beans contribute to improving digestive health, neither Missy nor I prefer to have that particular legume touch our palate. If FICA had not been so greedy, we would have had extra money to buy gasoline to fuel her 1970 Plymouth Duster and my 1970 AMC Gremlin.
“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art … It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival,” C.S. Lewis wrote. Growing up with Missy in my teen years and young adulthood was delightful. Although marriage moved her to Northern Virginia, we have continued growing our friendship over the years.
Her parents, Harold and Pam Higgins and of course, Grandma, live in Covington and they graciously continue to welcome me in their home, always. I am so appreciative! Retirement (is that possible?) in a few years may just relocate Missy and her husband to Covington. I have my fingers crossed!
Oil of Olay, locks and pearls
“I never go out of the house without getting dressed up,” Grandma said. She takes pride in trying to look her best. Even if plans don’t include leaving the house, getting dressed and ‘dolling’ herself up is of utmost importance. She would not want company to find her in PJs nor having a bad hair day. Being a hairstylist a few years back gives Grandma an advantage in assuring her locks are in place.
“I love jewelry,” she said. “A pair of pearls, even the fake ones, can make any outfit look better.” I have seen her jewelry boxes. I bet she has a necklace and earrings to adorn every outfit.
And her routine? “I use Oil of Olay to keep my skin looking fresh,” she explained.
Sweet blessings
Grandma assured me she would do whatever it is that God still wants her to do. “He will tell me. You know I will be 104 in March.”
Harriet (Byers), Gus (Hayslett), Pam (Higgins), eight grandchildren, 19 great-grandchildren, seven great great-grandchildren, extended family, and many friends have all benefited in some way from knowing Etha Virginia Craft Hayslett.
“If I take care of my character, my reputation will take care of itself,” said D.L. Moody. My ideals have certainly been influenced by Grandma’s character, reputation, and wisdom. My life is richer because of her love, generosity, and the mentorship she has lavished upon me.
Please excuse me! I am headed out to a drugstore to purchase some Oil of Olay, Fink’s Jewelers for pearls (fake ones will do) and oh, yes, I need a haircut. I also have a birthday gift to purchase for someone special. Ideas welcome.
My heart smiles.
P.S. I will leave the roll-making up to her expertise.
The link below will take you to the local newspaper. Scroll down to page 18 to view photographs.
(I have been working on this for some time...at the time it went to the publisher...Grandma became ill. I would ask that you pray for her and family)