Much more than food for thought: Y'all, come to the table

What are mealtimes like for you and your family? Is gathering at the table to share food together a blessed time or just simply a chore?

According to a recent study, 84 percent of parents agree family meals are important, but only 50 percent of family dinners are eaten together.

In the past 20 years, the frequency of family dinners has declined 33 percent, according to thescramble.com.

A memorable, favorite and necessary part of my parenting days was sitting down to share a meal with my family. My children heard the command, “Y’all, come to the table,” numerous times while they were growing up and they were expected to come.

My husband and I were intentional in the formation of the lives of our children and one way we did this was around the kitchen table.

Iconic sitcom mom June Cleaver prepared such hearty meals and served with such poise and grace. It had to be the perfectly ironed dress, fancy high heels and dainty pearls that adorned her neck that made her seem so picture perfect. Even the apron she wore was adorable.

I enjoy meal planning, trying new recipes and cooking, but have never embraced grocery shopping. Just so you know, succeeding at preparing flavorful, full-course and nutritious meals was a work of art. Crock pot meals, casseroles, potatoes cooked every way imaginable and chocolate chip cookies were just a few of the kid-friendly and economical delicacies from my kitchen.

Oftentimes, I am quite successful at serving with gracelessness. The table was rarely arranged with flowers, fancy dishes, folded napkins and the proper place settings (tell me which side to place the fork). I prefer jeans, a smock and bare feet with my apron and I would have to borrow the pearls. I sure don’t iron. I floundered often despite my efforts, but occasionally was able to maintain desired aspirations.

Bowing our heads and giving thanks to God for his provision of our food was taught by example. The kids learned to pray a simple blessing and as they grew older, were encouraged to say their own words of thankfulness. Children learn best by example and repetition.

Polite manners and proper dining etiquette was very high on the list of expectations. Chatter was to be positive, uplifting, enjoyable and respectful. Watching television during a meal was not allowed and cell phones were never part of the place setting. Burping and other odd noises were not acceptable and were not at all tolerated. Cleaning their plates and helping wash and dry dishes was routine and most often a joint effort.

My husband always said thank you for the meal, even for the gourmet (toasted) PB&J, and the children were instructed to say thanks as well.

We were not, and never pretended to be, a picture-perfect family. Our imperfections seemed to be best displayed when company arrived for supper.

When the children were young, mealtime was more like being at the circus. My three little artists, better known as circus performers, were great at clowning around, especially when others joined us at the ring (I mean, table) for a meal. But, hey, tickets were free and our guests had a front row seat. Way to go kiddos!

Although mealtime was chaotic, there remained a sense of courtesy and order. They learned early on that this was an important time of our being together.

I will say that dining together was much easier when the children were younger. The dynamics with work, school, extracurricular activities and friendships as they grew older complicated the commitment. There were times we had more than one meal together on a given day; some days there were none and other days we shared a late night snack. The kids’ friends were always welcomed and served as if they were a part of our family. This was a great way to get to know them.

Dining together reaped many benefits that went beyond nutrition and health. The kitchen table was where Easter eggs were colored, pumpkins were carved, gingerbread houses were created, candles on a birthday cake were blown out, board games were played, homework was completed, and most importantly God’s Word was read.

Communication is crucial within the family unit and numerous discussions and prayers were shared, both individually and corporately, around the table. Commendation was important when kind words were said, good deeds were done and goals were accomplished. Reproach was necessary when mistakes were made, rules were disobeyed and attitudes were negative. Obviously the table is just a material possession, but it represents a huge part of our family dynamics.

Family meals provide an opportunity to strengthen ties and build better relationships. In our over-scheduled lives, being together for a meal is a wonderful way to connect with each other every day and have meaningful discussions, lots of laughter, and bonding.

Rather than trying to convince you to change your ideals, I want to encourage you to be proactive within your family unit in making “come to the table” time that appropriately works best for your schedules and commitments. Time, energy and effort in preparing and serving meals is vast, but well worth it.

Although the dynamics of my family unit have changed, the emphasis and importance of meals together remains the same. We still gather at the table and do many of the same things we did while the kids were growing up — no homework though! I thoroughly enjoy family, good food, laughter and memorable conversation around the table.

My heart grows three sizes when the children come home and bring their families for a meal — even those unannounced visits. Thank goodness for Sunbeam, Peter Pan and Smuckers — and a toaster.

I still take great pleasure in saying, “Y’all, come to the table!”